In Case of Emergency

Seoul is empty. The Lunar New Year is a bigger deal than Christmas, and everything closes down for a couple of days so that people can go be with their families. They flock to the city outskirts and countryside, leaving me to roam the streets in an eerie and cold silence. I've never seen my neighborhood so dead, or so white. It has snowed the past three days, and I happened to get caught in one of the most ferocious of falls. Snowflakes the size of my ears. My toes were numb and my face felt like it was going to chip off, but beautiful nonetheless. It reminds me of snowfalls when I was younger, where I would miss school and soak my clothes through before curling up under the blankets to inhale hot chocolate and read Little House on the Prairie.
This past Saturday I somehow ended up at a temple sitting on the floor across from this older woman talking about Buddhism and making a Lotus Lantern. My Lotus Lantern turned out quite nice for being as inexperienced as I am, but our conversation left me a little dissatisfied. She asked me one of those questions most 24 year-olds struggle with and I certainly need a heads up on: "Who are you?" Well, gee. I only had one cup of coffee this morning; that's more like a 3 or 4 cup conversation. Seriously. And its like 10 degrees outside. I gave the most simplistic and confident answer I could: that I am a child of God, and I try to live each moment with my actions and decisions, remembering that little bit of information. That was all I really had right then. She then asked if I believed that God was the creator of all things? Yes. Okay. Then she informed that she used to be a Christian, went to missionary school, and then became a Buddhist. She began telling me a number of things about Buddhism, which I welcomed because quite ashamedly, I know little about the faith, and I must admit, that there are some valid beliefs and practices. Who can argue with needing to shine light into darkness, erasing ignorance, giving up your own desires and having compassion on others? It was one of those moments I really just wished I would have more of my own creed available in words, I guess. I blame the fact that my leg was going to sleep, and I was intently trying to glue vibrantly colored petals together. I wasn't prepared though, and I should be prepared to tell what I believe in, whether its my religion or my political standings or my favorite music or why I choose North Carolina over Duke. Fortunately, she's there every Saturday so that may be an ongoing effort.

"I Need Tweed"

I've needed a cellphone for about 4 months. There have been too many times I have missed connecting with someone because I'm on the subway for over an hour when plans change. I thought being unattached would be kinda nice, but really, in a foreign country, you need to be attached. That's all there is to it. So a few of the girls from church decided that yesterday would be a good time to pick me up a portable yapper. It was a team mission, but Sharon and Hilary really took charge. We made our way to Techno Mart, and browsed the ginormous selection of cellphones - complete with gaming systems, digital compasses and GPS', and a breathalizer. Right on. Not that I splurged on any such gizmos, as Sharon simply told the man that I didn't want to spend any more than 30 bucks on a phone. That was all..........I can now be reached at any time. After a number of frustrated curse words, Hilary figured out how to save phone numbers and send text messages. I felt accomplished, and now I can disconnect my land line, which is actually quite expensive to own. The evening was concluded with the recent episode of The Office (hence the "I Need Tweed" reference), sending me into hysterical laughter.
I have also realized that I need to invest a considerable amount of time in physical activity and the outdoors to feel truly functional. Even if it means getting up 2 hours early and walking through the horridly cold darkness to sweat it out on the treadmill, or walking around in a park in the middle of December, or spending 11 hours on a bus to spend 4 hours in the mountains. I went to Seoraksan National Park over winter break, where I saw one one of the most spectacular views of my life. It was something that brought me a considerable and unexpected amount of peace and renewal.
I need time to myself and time with others. That's a hard balance to find - too much solitude leads to lonliness and then depression; too much socializing leads to being overwhelmed and exhausted. Odd. Just hanging out with people over good food or good movies is a real treat; sometimes just me with a good book, or me in prayer or me outside is rewarding as well. Oh, how much I am learning.
Right now, I need to clean. And eat.

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

The new year has been up and running for nearly a week now, and I have failed to really grab it by the horns. I've never really been one for new year resolutions; I have more of a new day kind of attitude. This year feels different though, like I need to make a conscientious effort to mark this year with something - as if living on the other side of world for most of it isn't enough. I've always thought New Year's was tremendously overrated, so I don't know what I'm thinking of or looking for, but there is a desire to stick my flag in this lot and let everyone know I was here, to stake my claim so to speak. With so much time (mostly alone) on my hands, I've been rather reflective on the year past, and things have been brought to my attention that I quite possibly never would have thought of if not in the position that I am. I have days when I am so motivated its nearly frightening because I don't know where to start, and I don't want to disappoint myself. Then I will have a string of days which lead me to do nothing but lye in bed watching TV. I've always found it ironic that I can trust other people so much easier than myself.......especially when I can only pinpoint about 2 people in my life who haven't expressed some inkling of faith in me. I've grown up in an atmosphere of people who have encouraged, supported, and counseled. Yet it seems to take so much more. I want to believe that I can, and really that's all: just that I can. But I'm realizing that in order to gain that assurance, you need to expose the things that you don't and should.
I should eat less sugar and take more pictures; I should watch less TV and write more; I don't pray enough, especially for other people; I should start learning Korean and Spanish and Latin again; I wish I painted or made pottery; I don't keep in touch with enough people; I could use to floss more.
How do I keep moving forward and not get caught standing still, yet soak this all up like a Brawny Paper Towel?
Like I said, I don't really know what my expectations are. I only know that time can be alarming when you don't know where its taking you. I'll let you know where I end up.