Clicking My Heels

I am amazed at how easily I've worked myself back into American society. I expected more awkwardness and being overwhelmed, but perhaps that is only because I had to make such a drastic adjustment on the other end. I was worried that maybe I wouldn't fit any more, that possibly people have adjusted without me and I had adjusted without them. But after a couple of sleepless nights and wondering through the stores for bit, I felt back in the game. I've talked to people I haven't talked to in over a year as though we just saw each other yesterday. I spent an entire day with one of my best friends, who got herself a husband and a baby since I left, and we slid right back into our easy conversation and sarcastic banter back and forth. I can sit with my family and still feel connected and like we have so much to share with each other. It feels as though it has been ages since I've gotten to do some of these ordinary things, yet they still feel ordinary. Of course, everyone I know would love to have a few weeks off where they could do whatever they please....so I'm extremely blessed in that aspect alone. Those weeks may not have been spent as well though if I hadn't been out of the loop for a year. I can appreciate things I never even thought twice about before - Taking pictures at the botanical gardens, sitting in a park, roaming the library or bookstore, going for a long walk or jog, cuddling with an infant, not watching movies by myself, baseball games, dinners, dinners, dinners. And I got back just in time for the best weather of the year! Good Lord it has been gorgeous!

And So It Goes

I'm finished. I cut my cake, cleaned out my desk, and said my goodbyes. Gloria and Ellis latched onto me, Alice gave me an iced latte with a note claiming I was the best teacher she ever had, Rachel gave me a card telling me she'd never forget me, Monica said she would go to the airport and stop my plane, and Mary gave me her lucky marble and cried. Not to pat myself on the back too much, but those are some great terms to leave on. And knowing that I was not simply the fun, always had a good time teacher, but that I actually did my job at the same time makes me all the more proud. I was professional, reliable, and trustworthy and knowing that I was respected by my peers and left on good terms is a great feeling, and a real confidence booster....despite the fact that they took advantage at times.
I was talking to my fellow American teachers the other day as well as a couple of the Korean teachers and they were all filling me in on how worried they were for me at the beginning. Now I remember having a difficult time adjusting because no one told me what the hey was going on and I could not get myself in line with the drastic change in my sleeping schedule. I was delirously tired and overwhelmed, but apparently I was rather aloof as well and had a number of them wondering how long I was going to last. One of my Korean co-teachers, Jay, decided to let me find my own rhythm and help when she could, and said all of a sudden I seemed like I had it figured out. Shannon ran into me at the drinking fountain where I said something I don't remember but had her cracking up all the way back to the teachers' lounge where she announced that I was "all right". But Nick was the first one to tell them I'd be fine because I was great at coming up with things to do with or without other people. And that's how the last couple of my days here went down. We had a going away dinner for me on Thursday night, BBQ, which ended with us sitting at table outside chatting about music and books and politics after over 5 hours. Friday night, when it was all said and done, Nick and I hit up a little Irish bar and took one of the dart championships. Somehow after that we ended up atclub blaring house music and chilling with some moshpit of Koreans who are the most entertaining group of dancers around. My "night " didn't end until they kicked us out and I got back to my apartment at 7am. Today was my last day though, so I got right back on the subway without on any sleep and headed to the countryside about 2 hours outside of Seoul. I was granted a gorgeous day in the peace and solitude of a little farming village with rice and bareley fields, massive sunflowers and marigolds and little thatched roof houses surrounded by stone walls.
This past year was stressful and wonderful, the most rewarding and the most challanging, and I can look back and honestly say that spending a year here was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Let's Take a Shit, and Have a Coffee

So I lied. A few posts back I claimed that I had embarked on my final hike here in Korea. But I ended up hiking at the temple with the monks, and I got to the top of Wonhyo Peak with, Song, one of the enthusiastic hikers I had met a couple weeks ago. He was so excited to have found an American who he could guide along different courses and who would practice English with him. That being said, let me explain the above title to this post. Song speaks very little English, and the English he does speak is accompanied by a thick accent. So when he says things like, "Let's take a seat," it sounds exactly like, "Let's take a shit," and leaves me speechless with anticipation. I was unsure, obviously, as to how to handle such a request, other than to simply decline the invitation. Thankfully, he kept his pants on, sat down on a nearby rock, and pulled out a bottle of water while I attempted to refrain from busting a gut with laughter. I knew this was gonna be one for the blog, but for a minute I was thinking it was going to be a little more graphic.
When we started the hike, it was nice and on the sunny side, but about 15 minutes from the peak the sky began to rumble and within moments we were caught in a torrential downpour. I was about to climb to the top when I spotted the most perfect bolt of lighting touch down on the neighboring peak. Absolutely stunning, something I don't believe I've ever seen before, and quite frighting. We attempted to take cover until it let up, but I was in sweatshorts and a t-shirt which soaked right through. After watching the rain come down in blinding, cutting sheets, it eventually let up and we made it to the top. Knowing that I had been sick and concerned for my "health" Song took me to a hiking shop an bought me over $100 worth of dry, water resistant hiking gear. I told him that I was leaving in a week, and tried to explain that there aren't any mountain in the midwest. He didn't seem to care, telling me I was a great hiker and really seemed to enjoy it so he trusted it would all come in use sometime in the future. Well okay then. I better continue my new hobby at home. Then he bought me dinner and about 3 cups of coffee to warm me up.

Today one of my elementary students, Jason, brought me a bouquet of roses with a note that had him apologizing for the fact that I had to be his teacher. Definitely putting that one in the scrapbook. Then Monica brought me a mocha coffee with a note that said what a great teacher I was and she would never forget me. And my Mary, wrote me another note saying "I love you". Man, this is really bitter sweet.

Friday, I'm In Love

I love Thursdays. They're sandwiched right in between my 2 rough days. On Thursdays I teach kindergarten for 3 hours in the morning, then have a 2 and a half hour lunch break, then teach to elementary reading classes in the afternoon and am finished before dinner time. That break is the perfect length - not too long to keep me putting around anxiously, but long enough to give me a breather. So I go sit in Dunkin' Donuts,or the likes thereof, with a cup of coffee, my ipod, and a notebook. I've managed to fill pages margin to margin with reflections and recounts, short stories, what ifs and what nots, poems, etc. I hope I can get it all organized in a descent amount of time and send it off somewhere.
Fridays, on the other hand, are brutal. I teach a full morning of kindergarten and a full afternoon of elementary, yet still get out of there before any of the other foreign teachers! Rather tiring. Especially when you're sick, and have been sick for well over a week. I swear I've gotten sick more times this year than the previous 2 years combined, maybe 3. It started as a lot of itching and watery eyes, followed by some hacking, which was soon paired with extremely clogged sinuses and then a pounding headache, more hacking of phlegm, and now a combination of all the before mentioned, plus a bit of a rash to intensify the itching and such. I finally caved and went to the doctor the other day, receiving a prescription of about 5 different pills - none of which seem to be particularly helping thus far. If its not all taken care of in the next 3 or 4 days, I'll have to return to the doctor so I might not get stuck on a miserable 21 hour trek back to the States. That was a good thing about this Friday - I only have one week left!!! That's right, I'm down to less than 2 hands for counting down. Excited is an understatement. I got (and still get) excited on Christmas Eve and the night before we left for vacation. I got excited on the last day of school, and when Mom decided to make breakfast for dinner (the best!). But this is a feeling I don't think I've ever felt before. Its like when we got a Saga Genesis for Christmas when I was 9 - multiplied by about 10. I know I'll think about these kids later on and miss them, and I know I'll have moments when I think it would be nice to be out and about in Korea, and who knows, maybe I'll be back sometime. But I also feel like it was a good run, and I need to stop running for awhile. I don't think my kids were too happy when I reminded them today that next week was my last. It didn't help that I chopped off a bunch of my hair again last night either and they can now no longer spend time running their little bugger fingers through it. I heard a couple gasps when I walked in today, and some disappointed sighs when they walked behind me and tried to grab a handful.
But the littlest oldest lady on the subway this morning told me I had "a nice shape." So somebody is a fan....of something.

Chop Away

There are some religions which practice such acts that I haven't fully classified to be dedication or just useless....I, logically, believe there are rules and regulations as to the function of the Universe, ways to conduct yourself that are beneficial to those around you, things which build your own character and whatnot, that don't necessarily need to be attributed to a religion - they're just good and goodness makes things better. Though I would never be drawn to embracing my life as a Buddhist, I found myself completely fascinated by this whole different lifestyle as I sat inside the temple at the foot of a mountain. They wear no fancy clothes, eat no particularly fancy food, no fancy sleeping arrangements, only the highly decorated temple is fancy. They're up before the sun - 3am to be exact - and begin a day of meditation, chanting and worship, fellowship, more meditation, and making treks up and down or around the mountain. You must not wear your shoes in any part of the temple, and the toes must be facing away when you leave them at the door; you bow three times, knees on the floor, butt to the heels, upon entering and exiting the temple; you start each day off with a significant # of bows, most commonly 108 - for the 3 parts of your body (inside, outside, middle), multiplied by the number of senses (6), multiplied by the good form of the sense and the bad form (2) multiplied by the past, present, and future.
I was starving and exhausted when I left late the next morning, there was definitely a peace I had found there which I find very sacred. To just do away with everything else...To sit in complete silence, with no TV, no ipod, no computer, no throng of friends yakking away, not even a book to entertain myself - just sitting with nothing but myself and God - is something everyone needs once in awhile.

Also, the Sunday before, I went to the Seoul Arts Center which was really cool to wander around as it houses the national ballet company and the Korea symphony, as well as about 4 museums. After a couple hours there I ended up getting to see an awesome theater show, which I haven't gotten the opportunity to do here yet. It was called Nanta and all took place in a kitchen, where 4 chefs do a whole routine based on percussion of the pots, pans, and utensils. It was kinda like STOMP, with some food in the mix. Funny and way awesome. I'm putting my last few weekends to good use.

Goodbye Blues

My kids have been hilarious lately. They've been busting out in random song, accompanied by funky dance moves. They've been doing funny voices and suddenly repeating something they heard me say in passing. Jason does a whole a gorilla routine that has me cracking up every time. Ellis told me that I was taller today than yesterday and Mary told me that I was "just so cute." Monica said that she wanted my nose and when I told Alice, "You're killing me," she calmly replied, "Teacher, I'm not a killer." They all think its the greatest thing ever when I speak Korean, and gasp with an impressed "ahhhh, teacher!". And Peter is just the happiest kid ever and nearly busted a gut today when I had the class drawing different faces of expression.
I told my kindergarten class earlier this week that I was leaving soon, asking them to do a super good job at the Speech Contest because it was my last one. I didn't expect them to be thrilled about it but they were much more upset than I think I anticipated. Mary followed me around the rest of the day saying, "Don't go, please." Now every time I say something that includes "before I go" or "when I go" I get a collective whine from the class. I get a pit in my stomach whenever I think that I just may never see these kids again. Kids I have spent nearly every day with for the past year. Kids that have made me laugh and cry and shout, who have given me headaches and hugs, high fives and I love yous, stickers and candy, who made me confident and proud, angry and frustrated, happy and appreciated, who have honestly, probably taught me more than I've taught them.......and its a bit painful to think that they may forget all about me with time.

Put It on a Post-It

Yesterday my co-teacher, Jay, told me that before she walks into her most challenging class every day, she prays. Her most challenging class also happens to be my most challenging class - a pod of highly energetic and competitive 8 and 9 year olds who have been in English classes together since kindergarten. They don't like to be outdone or shoved out of the spotlight at all, and things can become rather heated if that occurs. I've had to make kids stay after class, make them write sentences, I've had to make them stand out in the hallway, pull them out into the hallway, send them to the principal, have their mother called, and so on. I hated that class. There have been days I've walked out of that classroom and thought, "Did I just spend the past 15 minutes arguing with an 8 year old.....and they won?" I thought for sure that before the end of the year either I was going to kill them or they were going to kill me. I would get so frustrated that everyday I would tell myself to ask my boss to switch classes with someone else; I should have been doing what Jay does. When she said that, I thought of my tendency to enter prayer as if its a job interview, not the same fashion I would text message a friend as she made her prayers sound. If I could pinpoint the greatest lesson I've learned while being over here, it would be to acknowledge God in every way - big and small, every time I have the chance, for its not so much to remind God that He is who He is or what He has done or anything like that, but to remind myself. There is a quote I read from C.S. Lewis once that states, "Prayer doesn't change God, it changes me," and I thought it had gotten it then, but I don't think I really have until now. Prayer doesn't do anything for God; He doesn't need me or my praise or my begging and pleading for anything He wants to take place. It doesn't make a difference to Him. And that's just it: I can say how happy I am, how angry I am, or how scared I am. I can say things like hallelujah, like hate, or like shit, and He sees me the same way through all of it. I'm reminded of a friend telling me awhile back to make sure and tell God when I'm angry, even if its with Him because God already knows, but maybe I don't know, and if there is anything God really wants, its for His children to feel as though they can go before Him and spread everything out on the table. Get rid of the shame or fear. He doesn't need us to, but wants us to, so that we can open up and have the chance to be settled. If I walk on egg shells around Him, which I am inclined to do, I will never fully grasp onto anything useful.......
Over the past year I have had moments of realizing how incredibly important my seemingly insignificant life is in God eyes, how He has made sure to provide big blessings, and heaps of small ones as well. And how something as small as an incredible view or a good laugh or a warm conversation can make all the difference in my day.

So my class and I have endured. Nearly a year later, we're still together. We're at a place where things can generally be solved peacefully; not always, but I've become mindful of their sensitivity, and they've become mindful of my authority........The same can be said of the worse class runner- up - they were out of hand when I got them in March and have slowly become more and more manageable, so that now I don't dread going in there everyday. I think a large part of that is due to Jay. Thankfully, I got paired with the best co-teacher in the school for both of these classes. Just another reminder....